Chapter 51: All's Fair In Love And War

Richie had been pacing back and forth – up and down the block that held Julianna’s building, getting curious stares and double-takes from passers-by. He must have looked like he was ready to kill someone, because even though he saw looks of recognition, nobody approached him. Nobody approached any of them, in fact. For them being out on the streets of Manhattan, that was a virtually unheard of occurrence. Richie knew that it was only a matter of time until that changed, but he didn’t care. Damn it, he wasn’t leaving until he saw Julianna. He wasn’t giving her up without a fight.

When Julianna’s phone rang, Richie assumed it was Francesca, calling back to tell them whether or not she’d been successful in her attempt to get through to Julianna. He snapped open the phone without looking at the display. “Signora,” he said, by way of greeting, “please give me good news. Will she talk to me?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Finally, a small voice said, “Rich? It’s me.”

“Julianna,” he said, relieved. “Thank God you’re okay. Please, let me come up and see you. I need to see you. To talk to you.” To touch you, to hold you, he thought. Richie took off walking toward the door.

Julianna let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. This was going to be extremely difficult as it was, without seeing his beautiful face when she told him goodbye. “Please, let me handle this my way,” she said. She heard Richie mutter something, but couldn’t make it out. It sounded suspiciously like ‘stubborn bitch’. With a trembling voice, Julianna continued. “That was a dirty trick, you know, getting my grandmother to call me. You know damn well I would never hang up on her.”

“Baby, all’s fair in love and war. Right now I don’t know which one we’re engaged in.” Richie ran a hand through his hair, and backed away from the building. He turned on his heel and continued walking, this time circling the block while they spoke. “Why won’t you let me in to see you? Why did you run away from me?” He had to stop. Though he was trying to be calm, tears were choking his voice. He did not want to be on the streets of Manhattan bawling into a cell phone. He spied Michael’s car parked up the block, and sending a silent prayer of thanks heavenward, he aimed for it.

Julianna started to say something, but Richie interrupted. “Sweetheart, give me one minute. Please.” He was begging now. “I need to get off the street.”

Michael saw Richie coming and knew right away there was trouble. He opened the back door, and made a circling motion with his hand. Richie nodded distractedly, and swiped at his eyes. He collapsed into the back seat, and Michael slammed the door behind him. Easing out into traffic, Michael raised the privacy panel and started the slow, tedious process of circling the building.

Once he was moving, Richie took a deep breath to help steady his voice and repeated his question to her. “Why did you run from me? Don’t you believe that I love you? Didn’t you think I meant it when I said I wanted to help you and to be there for you no matter what?” He thought of something that made his blood run cold. “Didn’t you mean it when you said you loved me?”

Oh God, Julianna thought. “Of course I meant it, Rich. That’s why I left. That’s why I didn’t want you to see me now. I love you too much to make you deal with this. I want you to cut your losses. I’m broken, baby, and there’s no fixing me.” Her own voice was thick with tears. “Don’t you see? Today it was the house that set me off. Tomorrow, who knows? Anything could set me off. Sooner or later, you’d get sick of playing nursemaid to a psycho. You’ll come to resent me, and I couldn’t stand that.”

“Are you done?” Richie was angry – angrier than he’d been in a long time. “You mean to tell me that all this, this bullshit, is because you presume to know what’s in my head? Or my heart?” His voice was rising, and it was starting to get hard. “You think you know what’s in our future? What happened to not jumping to conclusions? To total honesty? Where the hell do you come off…” he trailed off. Richie didn’t want to put her on the defensive, and worked to quiet his voice.

He spoke more softly, but not with any less emotion. “Julianna, neither of us knows what the future holds. All I know is that yesterday, I told you I loved you, and I meant it.” He sighed. “You told me you loved me, and I assumed you meant it.” He cleared his throat and tried to will the tears away. “Today when I woke up, nothing had changed – I still love you. I love you, Julianna. I want to be with you, no matter what you think.” Michael was completing his circuit of the building, and Richie could see his friends still gathered outside the building.

The car headed around the block again. Richie continued. “Sweetheart, please. Let me come up and talk to you. I can’t stand it that you’re hiding from me.” He sighed, unable to stop the tears leaking from his eyes. “You’re killing me baby, and this time it isn’t good. Please, love.”

Julianna sighed, her reserve crumbling. “Rich – ”

“Please,” he begged. “Just give me ten minutes,” Richie said. “Please.”

“Alright, alright. Jesus, you’re as bad as my grandmother. Just you, though. I don’t want to see anyone else.”

“Baby, I don’t care about anyone else. I just care about you and me.” Richie lowered the privacy screen and asked Michael to quickly get back around to the front of the building. Michael jammed on the gas, and sped around the rest of the block.

Richie vaulted from the car and handed the phone to the doorman. Julianna told him he could let Richie up. Richie flew across the spacious lobby to the elevators, and waited impatiently for the car to rise, pacing in the small space. He’d have taken the stairs, but he wasn’t up to running up fifteen flights. He thought the elevator would be faster. When the car finally reached Julianna’s floor, Richie squeezed through the doors as soon as they were open wide enough. Now what? Richie didn’t remember what apartment was Julianna’s.

“Julianna!” he shouted. “Where are you?” He ran up the beautifully decorated halls calling her name, his voice desperate, until finally a door opened.

“Jesus, Sambora,” Julianna said softly from the doorway of apartment 1522. “Way to disturb my neighbors. I have to live here, you know.”

Richie stormed into Julianna’s apartment, causing her to jump back from the door. He slammed the door shut, and leaned against it. He longed to take Julianna into his arms, but he could tell by her body language that she only let him up here because he badgered her, and that she only wanted to talk. He’d let her play it how she wanted for now, but he wasn’t leaving – not until he talked some sense into her.

“Julianna, I don’t give a flying fuck about your neighbors,” Richie said.

Richie struggled to get his anger and hurt under control. He had to remember this wasn’t about him, or even them. It was first and foremost about her. Richie continued in a very soft, gentle voice. “Baby, I need to remind you of something. I’m very protective of those I love, and I’m stubborn as all hell. I’m not letting you go over something like this – especially not when I’ve only just found you.”

He took a tentative step towards her, and was relieved to see she didn’t back away. “Look at all that we’ve gone through in our lives. Do you mean to tell me that this, this,” he flapped his hands, looking for the right words, “whatever it was, this stress-induced episode is as bad as all the other shit?”

He took another step. “I certainly don’t think it is.”

Julianna didn’t answer. She saw steely resolve and hardness in his eyes. Gone was the playful lover she knew, and in his place was a serious man in love; a man who fully expected to get his way. Her heart swelled because of the first, and her stomach clenched with thoughts of the second. Now more than ever, she needed to be strong; stronger than his misplaced sense of loyalty to her.

Richie continued talking when Julianna didn’t speak. “Sweetheart, all this is my fault.” Julianna shook her head. “Yes, it is,” Richie insisted. “I never should have brought you into the house. At the very least, after you unburdened your soul to me, I should have brought you home or stayed with you until you woke up. Instead, while all the memories were still fresh in your head, I brought you back to where the demons were born, and left you there to fight them alone.” One more step, he thought, and I can take her hand.

“Can you forgive me, Julianna, my love?” Richie took that final step and reached for Julianna’s hand. It was cold as ice. She let him take it and hold it briefly, and allowed herself to take some of his warmth. With a small squeeze, she slipped slowly from his grasp.

“Rich, there is nothing to forgive,” she said. Richie looked like he was going to say something, but Julianna put her hand up. It still tingled from where he had touched it. “Please, let me have my say now.” She started pacing slowly, arms crossed over her stomach. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You couldn’t have possibly known that this would happen. I, on the other hand, should have.”

Richie looked puzzled, and cocked his head, questioningly.

Julianna continued. “You’re right in that I should have never let you talk me into going into that house. But, the decision was ultimately mine. Rich, I would follow you to the ends of the earth.” That admission scared her more than he could possibly know, and made him happier than he felt he had the right to be.

“Last night,” Julianna continued, “my inner voice was screaming at me to not follow you this time. I should have listened to my instincts and followed my gut. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I went along anyway. Maybe it was the drinking, maybe it was the giddiness I was feeling from having just made love in the car and knowing there was more to make,” she blushed, Richie smiled, and she continued. “I don’t really know. All I know is all you have to do is look at me, and you make me go stupid. I gave in to impulse without considering the consequences.”

Julianna continued walking around the spacious room, touching this and that absently, all the while shaking her head. “That just isn’t safe for me. I should never have done that. But you make me forget to be careful.” She was still shaking her head. “I can’t do that. Not anymore. It’s better we learn that lesson now than later, when we would have gotten more involved with each other. This way –” she said, trailing off.

Richie watched as Julianna stopped her pacing to look at him. She stared at him as if to memorize what he looked like. She looked like she was gearing up for goodbye. The thought made his stomach seize and his heart stop. He had only one more card he could play. It’s now or never, he thought to himself.

He closed the gap between them, took her in his arms, and kissed her with everything he was and everything he wanted to be.

Richie tried to say with that kiss what she just wasn’t getting. He couldn’t be any ‘more involved’ with her if he was living in her skin. She shared his heartbeat. She was the air he breathed -- a reason to wake up in the morning. She was a reason to be thankful for his life. He didn’t care what happened, as long as they were together. He poured all the love he had into that kiss.

At first Julianna resisted, and Richie thought his heart would break.

Then, slowly, she relaxed in his arms, and kissed him back.