Chapter 47: Panic Attack

Julianna woke with a start. The sights and smells of this room weren’t familiar. It took her a few moments to realize she was in Richie’s room at the house – her house – and that she was alone. Julianna could hear the shower going in the next room, so she knew she wasn’t really alone. She smiled and stretched, her body recalling the joys of last night. She sat up and looked around the room. It was done in much the same colors as her room at the cottage, but with fewer feminine touches. This room would be appropriate for either a man or a woman.

By the positioning of the windows, she realized she was in the back bedroom suite of the house. This was the room. Her room. The room she shared with Mark. Involuntarily, Julianna flashed back to that day. The day she found Mark here. She tried to stop the memories, but she couldn’t. Julianna could feel the anger and hurt and panic rising in her throat. Maybe it was bile, she couldn’t tell. Her pulse was racing, and it was getting hard to breathe. A low keening started in the back of her throat. Blackness crept in around her peripheral vision, slowly taking over completely. She closed eyes, clasped her arms around her waist, and started to rock.

When Richie turned off the water, he heard a strange sound. Sort of like a crying kitten. Oh God, Julianna! Wrapping a towel around his waist, he sprinted through the door; heedless of the water he was dripping everywhere. He saw Julianna rocking back and forth on the bed, her complexion pale as a ghost’s, tears streaming down her face from tightly closed eyes. The noise he heard was indeed coming from her. He crossed to the bed, and quickly scooped an oblivious Julianna, sheets and all, into his arms, and took her from the room. He flew down the hall to the great room, grateful that none of the others were up yet.

Cuddling Julianna close against his chest, he sat on one of the couches, rocking her and whispering to her that she was safe, that he was with her and that he loved her. Over and over, whispering and rocking; stroking her hair and back. He didn’t know what else to do. She wouldn't answer him, and wouldn't open her eyes. He was getting really scared. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Julianna slowly started to relax against him, and the tears stopped. He looked down into her face. She was asleep. He sat back on the couch, his own eyes closed, still holding Julianna against him.

Richie heard a noise behind him, but didn't turn around. It was Jon. He was standing in the doorway, rubbing his face. His hair was sticking up every which way, and he had to keep hitching up sweats that threatened to fall right off his hips. His feet were cold against the smooth wood floors and he wished he had thrown on socks before venturing out. Jon was a wreck until he had coffee, and he was on the way to the kitchen when he caught a glimpse of Richie. Jon could see exhaustion in Julianna's face, and could tell it wasn't the good kind. His friend had such a look of concern on his face that Jon couldn't even make a joke about the way they were dressed. Something big had happened. Something serious. "Hey, man, what's going on?" he asked, scratching his chest lazily and yawning again.

“Jon, man, I don’t know what to do.” He explained about how he found her this morning when he got out of the shower.

All the sleepiness was gone once he heard the strain in his friend’s voice. Jon’s eyes registered understanding as his brain processed what Richie had just said. “Man, I think she had a full-on panic attack. How long did it last?”

Richie looked at the clock. “Jesus, it’s been more than an hour. No wonder she’s asleep. What do I do?”

Jon smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Get her dressed, for one thing. That’s something I can’t help with. Make her comfortable here on the couch and we’ll just have to wait for her to wake up. We can talk to her, find out what happened, and we can try to help her.”

“I’ll bet I’m in the room that was hers.” Richie swore. “I didn’t think. Last night, we talked for hours about our feelings, and what we’d been through with our divorces.” He smiled. “I told her I loved her. She loves me, too.”

Jon’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really? That’s great, man. I’m happy for you.”

Richie nodded. “The stuff she told me – damn. She took her situation pretty badly, lost time for a bunch of days. She actually doesn’t remember too much about what happened for the week after she kicked Mark out.” He swore again. “Here I was, trying to be the hero, helping her through her pain. It wasn’t enough to get her into the house. No. I had to take it further. I had to push. I should have realized that this morning would be difficult, or at least confusing. I should never have left her alone. What have I done?” Richie leaned his head back, and closed his eyes, but not before Jon saw a tear snake down his friend’s cheek.

Jon walked over to Richie, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Jesus, man, she’ll be alright. She’s gotten through this before, right?” Richie nodded. “OK. Let’s talk about this, then. How’d she get through it?” Jon sat on the couch next to his friend.

“Her family and friends found out what was going on and what she needed and rallied around her.” Richie thought. “They were just there for her. I guess that’s all we can do for her until she wakes up.” Richie was starting to think more clearly now. Just a few minutes ago, he was wallowing in self-pity and making this about him. It had nothing to do with him; not really. It was about Julianna.

“Right, she’s got some friends here, now all she needs is her family.” Jon stood. “You get her dressed and comfortable. Get her phone and call her brothers.”

Richie interrupted. “Shit, man, they’re gonna kill me.”

“Focus, man,” Jon said, shaking his head. “This ain’t about you. Tell them the situation, and that we think we have it under control for now. If they want to let us handle it, we will. If they want to be here, let them. Either way, you have to let them know what’s going on.”

“You’re right.” Riche stood, Julianna still wrapped tightly in his arms. “We’ll be back. Put some pillows and stuff on the couch for her would you?”

“You got it.”

The two men set about their tasks. Richie got Julianna dressed in one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxer shorts. He threw on last night’s clothes, shoved his arm through the strap of Julianna’s purse, and brushed out Julianna’s hair. He didn’t know why he did this last, it just felt right. Through all of it, she didn’t move; didn’t make a sound. Richie brought her back out to the great room and gently laid her down on the couch, cushioning her head on the pillows Jon had brought out, and covered her with a light blanket. Kissing her gently, he sat on the floor beside her and dug the phone out of the bag.

Scrolling through the numbers, he smiled. His number was filed under “SwingKing”. Finding the number for Nicky, he hesitated at pressing “send”. Shaking himself, he pressed the little green button, took Julianna’s hand, and waited.

* * * * *

Nicky answered on the second ring. “Hey, Jules, what’s shaking?”

“Nick, this is Richie. Something’s happened.” Richie sighed. “Julianna’s OK, physically at least. She came into the house last night and spent the night.” He heard Nick’s sharp intake of breath. “She had a panic attack this morning, and is sleeping it off now. We’ve got her comfortable, and someone is staying with her until she wakes up. We thought you should know.”

“What the hell happened? Why’d she panic? What did you do?” Nicky was pissed. Richie couldn’t blame him. He’d be pissed too, if Julianna were his sister.

“Last night, when we got back, I asked her if she was coming in with us, and she said she couldn’t. I pressed,” Richie said, with regret in his voice. “She gave in, and she was okay for a while. She even played your mother’s piano. We talked some more, and then we went to bed.” It felt weird saying that to her brother, but Richie had to tell the other man everything. “She was fine last night. She was fine until she woke up in bed alone this morning. I was in the shower when she woke up. I heard her making some strange noise, and when I checked on her, she was rocking and crying.”

“Jesus,” Nicky said. “What room do you have?”

“I have the suite in the back corner of the house,” Richie answered.

“Shit.” Nicky said. “That was the suite she and Mark used as their master. At least the bed was different. She must have been able to tell it was her old room by the position of the windows.” He blew out a breath. “Give me the timetable. What happened?”

Richie told him about bringing an almost catatonic Julianna out of the bedroom and into the great room and sitting with her and rocking her for more than an hour until she fell asleep. He told Nicky that she was resting comfortably on the sofa, that her color was good, and that her pulse rate seemed normal. When Nicky asked what their plan was, Richie told him they were going to take shifts staying in the room with her so she wouldn’t wake up alone. Richie asked Nicky if he and his other brothers wanted to come by to check on her.

“No,” Nicky said, uncertainly. “It sounds as if you’re doing all you can for her now. There’s no sense in us all hovering there as well.” He sighed. “When she wakes up, please give me a call back. Depending on how she’s doing, we’ll want to talk to her or come and see her.” Nicky sighed again. “I’m not gonna tell Mama or Dad yet; no sense in worrying them.” Both men were quiet for a minute, then Nicky said, “Julianna must really have strong feelings for you. None of us could get her to step foot in the house, and we’ve been trying for a hell of a lot longer than you have.”

“Well,” Richie said. “We do have some deep feelings for each other. But maybe she just thought it was time to put the past behind her. Maybe she has a comfort level with me, as someone who didn’t know the whole sordid story until last night. Clearly, she trusted me, and I abused that trust. I should have listened when she said she didn’t want to come in. I should have had her come back in the daytime. At the very least, I shouldn’t have let her wake up alone. I’m sorry, man. You have no idea how much.”

Nicky was quiet on the other end. Richie let the other man think, and waited for the lambasting he was sure was coming. “Rich, my sister is an incredibly strong, stubborn woman. She would not have let you talk her into something she didn’t really want to do deep down. Even if I want to blame you, I know it’s not your fault.” He sighed, and Richie imagined the other man to be pacing around, thrusting a hand through his hair. That’s what Richie would be doing, and he felt that the two men were a lot alike. Nicky continued. “You’re doing right by my sister; supporting her and being there for her. Hell, we all nearly died when she said she was coming out last night. I don’t know if she told you, but she hadn’t really been out except to the Wednesday dinners since, well, you know.”

“Yeah, she did tell me,” Richie said. “She had said that was why she chose MacGuire’s to start, because it was family.” Richie let out a relieved sigh. “I’m glad you aren’t upset with me. You guys are important to Julianna, which make you important to me. Listen, I’ll call you when she wakes up, or I’ll have her call you, depending on what she wants. Know that you and your brothers are welcome to be here with her if you think that’s best. You guys have loved her far longer than I have, and I know if I had a sister that was hurting, I’d want to be with her. So, please, come if you want to.”

“Did you say you love my sister?” Nicky had latched onto that.