Chapter 55: Lunchmeat and Leftovers



Once inside the house in daylight, Julianna admitted to herself that being there wasn’t that bad. She trailed Richie into the kitchen, which was largely unchanged from how she remembered it. She took comfort at the familiarity of it. “Hey guys,” she said as she came into the kitchen. “Rich and I are making lunch.”

To their credit, neither Tico nor Dave made a big deal about Julianna being in the house. “Thank God,” Tico said, dramatically. “We’re nearly starving.”

“Can it, drama queen,” Julianna said, her head buried in the fridge.

Tico looked at Richie and raised an eyebrow, silently asking if everything was OK. Richie nodded and smiled.

“OK,” Julianna said, coming out of the icebox. “You’ve got pretty slim pickin’s here, boys. I could only find lunchmeat and leftovers. What the hell have you been doing for food since you came back?”

Dave answered. “Lunchmeat and leftovers, mostly,” he said with a straight face, making Julianna laugh.

Julianna shook her head. “Boys, what am I going to do with you?”

“You can start by feeding us,” Jon said, with a playful wink, “and we can go from there.”

“In your dreams, sweetheart,” Julianna threw back at him. She looked at the other two men. “I simply can’t feed you with what’s in this house,” she said, disapprovingly. “My larder is just as bare. Let me think.” Julianna paced around a little, touching this and that, reacquainting herself with the kitchen she grew up with. She snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it. Boys, get your shoes and get in the truck. We’re going to Francesca’s.”

“You’re going to get your grandmother to cook for us?” Richie asked.

“No, you goof, we’ll raid Daddy’s kitchen. The restaurant is closed today, and he’s there cooking for tonight; we can be his guinea pigs. He won’t mind.” She looked around, exasperated that nobody was moving,

“Do I have to light a fire under your asses? Let’s go!” she ordered. “I thought you were starving!”

Jon and David hastened to comply with Julianna’s order. Tico hung back, and waited for the others to leave. Richie caught his eye before he left the room. Tico just smiled. He gave Julianna a big hug, and whispered in her ear, “Welcome back, little sister.”

Julianna, with tears in her eyes, hugged him back. “Thanks, Teek.”

Everyone piled into the truck and set off for the restaurant. The half hour trip took no time at all, since everyone was joking and laughing. Jon was driving, with Dave in the passenger seat. There were only two other seats, so Julianna had to sit on Richie’s lap, which was fine by her. She was so grateful to these men for just accepting her, warts and all, into their lives. The least she could do is repay them with some of the best food that would ever cross their palates.

“I gotta warn you,” Julianna said. “There could be a couple random cousins hanging around helping. I’ll ask them to be discreet, but they’re young,” she paused dramatically, “and they’re girls.”

“How young?” Jon asked with a sly smile in his voice.

Julianna reached forward to smack Jon on the back of the head. “Too young for you, buddy. They may call you The Kidd, but you’re way too old for these girls.” Julianna emphasized ‘way’.

“Jesus, Julianna,” Jon complained, checking his reflection in the mirror. “I’m not all that old. And watch the hair. I do have a reputation to protect, you know.”

Julianna snickered. “You are such a prima donna,” she said in a snooty voice. Julianna looked at Richie with mischief in her eyes. Richie nodded, and she leaned forward, put both hands in Jon’s hair, stopping for a moment to savor the feel of it, and mussed it up. Julianna collapsed back against Richie in a fit of contagious giggles. Soon, all of them were laughing.

“Son of a bitch! What was that for?” Jon was laughing too hard for the epithet to have any sting. If anything, his outburst only made them laugh harder.

“Stop,” Tico said, wiping tears from his eyes. “You’re gonna make me piss my pants!”

“Not in my truck you don’t,” Richie said. “Tie a knot in it.”

“Show me how, asshole,” Tico retorted.

“Screw you, T,” Richie said.

“That the best you’ve got Sambora?” Dave called from the front seat. “I expected better from you.”

“I’m weak from hunger. I’ll think of something better later.”

“GUYS!” Julianna had to yell to be heard over the insults and taunts being traded among them. “Zip it. We’re here.”

They parked around back, and Julianna used her keys to open the kitchen door. “Hi Daddy!” she called, as she led the guys into the large space. The kitchen was set up like a standard restaurant kitchen, with large sinks lined up along one wall, an industrial sized dishwasher, huge Sub-Zero refrigerators, walk in freezers, and miles of stainless-steel counters. The Viking stoves had pot racks hanging over them, loaded with beautiful stainless and copper pots. One of the counters had stools lined up in front of it.

The smells of fresh bread and bubbling sauce and Italian spices hit them dead on, and had all of the guys salivating. Tico groaned, and David even rubbed his hands together with glee.

“Julianna! What a pleasant surprise!” Riley turned from the stove at the sound of the door opening. He hurried over to give his daughter a kiss. “What brings you here in the middle of the afternoon? With friends, no less?”

“Daddy, these are Rich’s band mates Jon, Tico, and David.” Each man shook hands with Riley.

“Ah yes,” Riley said. “Dev told me about these new friends of yours. Big-time rock stars, huh?” The four of them nodded unselfconsciously. Riley shrugged. “No matter. Dev said you were good people, and in the end, it’s who you are, not what you do to make a living, that matters.” He poured each of them a glass of an excellent Cabernet, and went back to stirring something delicious-smelling on the stove. “So my darling daughter,” Riley said, “what’s up?”

Julianna indicated the four men. “These guys here are renting the house, and they are doing your kitchen shame by filling the refrigerator there with nothing but lunchmeat and leftovers.”

Riley made a dramatic gasp, making them all laugh. “That’s terrible,” he said, a horrified expression on his face. “Julianna, you must evict them immediately. It’s bad karma to be in that kitchen and not treat it properly.”

Julianna laughed. “Daddy, I’ve already properly chastised them. I’ve brought them here to be your tasters – for whatever you’re preparing for tonight.”

“Ach, girl, you think my fares need to be sampled before they are served?” He gestured haughtily toward the door. “Away with you!” Riley faked indignation well.

Julianna joined the improvisation. Not for nothing did she take drama classes as part of her curriculum. “But, Daddy, these men are starving! Look at them.” She went to each in turn and walked around them, turning them this way and that. She looked at her father. “There’s not a decent lump on any of them! Clearly they haven’t had a good meal in weeks! You can’t be so callous as to turn your back on their plight.”

Jon laughed at their antics, and chimed in. “I’ll have you know young lady, that many, many people have admired the lump I sit on,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with it.” He turned around and stuck the lump in question out. He turned his head to glance at it. “In fact,” he said, “I’d say it’s more than decent.”

Tico took up the conversation. “It’s true. I’ve spent most of my life looking at it. It’s not bad, and that’s a straight guy’s perspective.” He turned and lined his lump up next to Jon’s. “Mine isn’t bad, either.”

Riley laughed loud and hard. “Alright,” he said to Tico, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “You have earned you and your friends a meal.” He shook his head. “Honestly, not a humble one in the bunch, is there?”

“Nope,” Julianna answered. Slipping a look at Richie, she added, “But, after more than 20 years, I think they’re entitled, don’t you?” Richie spit out the wine he was drinking, choking back a laugh as he heard his words thrown back in his face. “Daddy, what are you making?” Julianna asked, changing the subject. “It smells to die for.”

“It smells to kill for,” Dave amended, looking at his friends through squinty eyes. “Take notice, boys,” he said, making them laugh.

Riley shook his head. “Julianna, I’ll only tell you if your friends promise to stay with us for dinner.”

Julianna looked warily at the guys. “Uh, Daddy…” She had just started speaking when Jon interrupted.

“Mr. Cavanaugh, it would be our great pleasure to stay for dinner.” He nodded at Julianna’s questioning look. “Rich has assured us that your family are all good people. We’d be honored to join your family tonight, right guys?”

Nods and grunts were the response. They would probably agree to wear ladies’ clothing if they could eat what they were smelling, Julianna thought. Riley considered Jon’s words. Julianna laughed. “Daddy, they’ll stay, they’ll stay. For the love of God, man, feed them!”

While Riley was dishing out heavy potato gnocchi and ladling on the sauce, Teresa chose that moment to sweep into the kitchen. Her expression changed from surprise to pleasure as she saw her daughter holding court in the kitchen. “Cara! How lovely to see you!” She crossed to her daughter and wrapped her in an embrace, taking the time to whisper in her ear, “Mama told me everything, but you look OK, so I’ll leave it for now.” Teresa turned to Richie. “And Riccardo! How nice you came back to us. Are these your famous friends? The ones you play with?”

The ones in question were all sitting at the counter, shoveling food into their mouths like they hadn’t eaten in months. Richie shook his head at their lack of manners. He introduced each of them, but none had given more than a nod in acknowledgement. “They are, Signora, and I apologize for their abysmal manners.” Behind Teresa’s back, Tico flipped him off. Richie ignored him and continued. “Julianna brought us here because we are putting the kitchen in the house to shame, and have nothing decent to eat. Your husband has graciously invited us to stay dinner.”

“He threatened not to feed us, actually, unless we agreed,” David said, his mouth full of pasta.

Teresa laughed, and crossed to David. She put a soft hand on his shoulder. “You eat like my Salvatore: with gusto and with pleasure. Of course you will stay!” she said, indignant at the thought that they would not. “But, really, are you sure? You know that Maddie and her cousins will not stop staring at you or pestering you to play.”

Jon approached Teresa, took her hand, and kissed her knuckles. “Signora, it is the very least we can do to repay your hospitality.” He looked at her with his sparkling blue eyes and wide, white smile, and Teresa blushed.

Julianna laughed, shaking her head. She just didn’t get it. “Watch it, Jon. Daddy has a very large cleaver and two walk in freezers.”

Riley laughed at his daughter. “Julianna, a pretty young face may turn your Mama’s head, but her heart and soul belong to me.”

“They do at that, cara mia,” Teresa said, looking adoringly at her husband. “They do at that.”

Chapter 54: Healing



Three days had passed since the intervention. That’s how Julianna still thought of it – as an intervention.

That first morning, when she woke with Richie wrapped around her, she thought the feelings of love and gratitude and thankfulness would drown her. She had put all thoughts of Mark’s call from her head; she wasn’t ready to talk about or deal with that yet. Julianna agreed to talk to her brothers that day, and Richie stayed by her side while she talked through what happened. She felt better sharing this burden with them. Jon and the guys had stopped by in the evening – both to check up on the two of them and to bring them dinner. The day passed quickly, and she survived it. More, she lived it. Julianna began to believe she might actually heal this time.

The second day, she and Richie spent talking and arguing and laughing and crying with each other. She still didn’t bring up Mark’s call, and started to think (or to try to convince herself) that she imagined the whole thing. The pair never left the apartment, and were together all day, but Richie felt that they seemed to have lost some of the togetherness, the closeness they had shared. Julianna still wouldn’t touch him, and stiffened when he gathered her into his arms to comfort her. It was killing him to not be able to help her, but he kept his promises and gave her the space she needed to work things out for herself.

The third day, yesterday, when she came out of the shower, Julianna heard Richie playing his guitar softly in the living room. When she went to investigate, and he saw her watching him, Richie started to sing, and the song he had chosen had her in tears.

When you're afraid and it feels like you're too tired to fight
Even your heart don't know if you're still alive
Jules, you never felt so all alone in this world tonight
And I, don't you know that I felt the same?
I've seen this storm, I've been through the rain
You've gotta know that I feel your pain. Don't be afraid

When you're on the edge, I will rescue you
When you need a friend, I'll be there for you

I'm nobody's hero – But for you I'd lay down my life
Nobody's hero – But I'd tear down the stars from the sky
If you would lean on me, baby, dream on me
You can bleed on me, just believe in me
Nobody's hero


Julianna had crossed the room to sit by Richie, and took his hand when he was through. Richie held his breath. She hadn’t yet reached for him in the days he had been with her. Even in sleep she stayed away from him. She kissed each of his fingers, then his palm, and looked deep into his soft, brown eyes. She decided in that moment that she would handle Mark on her own. She would spare this beautiful, wonderful man from dealing with that snake. “Thank you,” Julianna said, “for everything. I love you.”

Richie was so happy at this contact, the first she’d initiated in days that he thought he was going to cry. “I love you, too, Julianna.”

* * * * *

Today was Wednesday, and she was expected at Francesca’s for dinner. To not go would only invite questions she simply didn’t want to answer. She also wanted to pack properly for her stay in the city. Richie, too, needed his things; he was going to stay with her in Manhattan for a while. They’d go to the dinner and spend a few days together at the cottage before heading back to the city. Julianna was apprehensive about tonight. She was hopeful that her parents still didn’t know anything of what was going on, but was also pretty sure that either her grandmother or her brothers would soon spill the beans. Either that or her mother would take one look at her and just know.

Jon and the guys had taken the Humvee back to Connecticut on Sunday night, so Julianna was driving them back in her car. They were mostly quiet the long ride back; each lost in thought. Julianna looked out of the corner of her eye at the man next to her. For the past few days, Richie was true to his word, and let Julianna decide when to talk and when to stay silent. He had always been around, but was never hovering. Julianna smiled to herself; she knew that last wasn’t easy for him to do. Every day, she had woken up with Richie to words of love, and every night, she had fallen asleep the same way. Her heart and soul were being soothed just by being in his presence.

Richie turned now to look at Julianna. She already looked better. She had her color back, and her appetite had returned somewhat since the night that Jon and the boys had stopped by with Chinese takeout. The five of them had talked and laughed for hours, totally relaxing the both of them. He really couldn’t ask for a better group of men to call his brothers. Richie reached over and took Julianna’s hand. She didn’t pull away.

They made good time, and were back late in the morning. Julianna drove Richie around to the house and turned off the car. Richie invited Julianna up to the house for lunch. She stared at him for a minute, deciding if there was some sort of hidden taunt in his suggestion. Seeing none, she shrugged, bound and determined to try. “Sure,” she said. “Just don’t disappear into the shower without me this time.”

Richie laughed and winked. “I wouldn’t think of it. One thing about me, I learn from my mistakes pretty quickly.”

“What’s for lunch?”

“Dunno -- whatever we can find in the kitchen, I guess.” He smiled at Julianna. “Was the kitchen a gourmet’s haven when you lived here?”

Julianna just stared at him, and seeing he was teasing, took her mother’s best diva tone. “Do you not know the people I come from? What do you think?” She rolled her eyes at him, feeling the playfulness they had shared enveloping her once again, comforting her like her favorite cashmere sweater.

“Yes, I know,” he said, thrilled to have her joking with him again. “I was just checking to see if your sass was back.”

“Baby, my sass never left,” she replied. “I just buried it for a while.” She thought a minute and smiled. “You just helped me dig my sass out of my ass.”

Richie groaned. “God, cut that out. Jon hears you say that, and he’ll call you Sassy Ass until the day you die. He just loves taunts that rhyme. Who do you think ‘King of Swing’ came from?”

Julianna burst out laughing, and flung her arms around Richie’s neck, taking him by surprise. Julianna had been keeping him at arm’s length for the past few days, presumably while she worked through her shit. Taking advantage of the moment, Richie kissed her gently. Julianna groaned and deepened the kiss, holding Richie tighter. Thank God, Richie thought. A knock at the window startled them. It was Jon, grinning broadly.

“Hey you two,” he said, once Richie rolled down his window. “I was gonna wait and see if you could do it in that little sports car, but, damn it, I’m hungry. Rich, you bitch, come and cook for me.”

Julianna laughed, gathered her things, and got out of the car. “I see what you mean with the rhyming thing, Rich.” Richie joined her in her laughter as he too exited the car.

Jon looked puzzled. “What the hell are you two talking about?”

“Nothing,” Julianna and Richie said in unison, making them laugh harder.

“Whatever,” Jon said. “Just please, come in and make lunch; I’m begging you, man. One more day of takeout or PB and J, and I’ll never fit into my tight jeans anymore.”

“Well,” Julianna said, giggling, “that would surely be a crime against womanhood, if not humanity.” She looked at Richie with a serious look in her face, but a twinkle in her eye. “I will not be responsible for giving Jon a saggy, baggy flabby ass.”

Richie burst out laughing again. “You’re right. Let’s go make Mr. Lyric here something good for lunch.”

“You guys are weird,” Jon said.

Chapter 53: Friendship and Love



Jon’s phone rang, startling him. It was Richie. “Man, what’s the story? Are you OK?”

Richie blew out a breath. “Yeah, I’m OK. We’re both OK. Julianna doesn’t want to talk to her brothers right now, but she wanted me to tell you to tell them that she’s OK and will call them later. Where are you?”

“Man, we’re still downstairs. The doorman finally let us in, so we aren’t freezing our asses off, but we weren’t going anywhere until we heard from you.”

“Thanks, bro.” Richie said. “I’m going to stay here tonight; try to help Julianna talk through her shit.”

“Alright,” Jon said. “We’ll crash in a hotel tonight, and will call ya tomorrow. I have some of your shit down here if you want it.”

Richie was touched. “That would be great, Jon, thanks. I’ll come down and get it.”

“Alright.” Jon closed his phone, and turned to the Julianna’s brothers, who were looking at him expectantly. “That was Rich; he said to tell you guys that Julianna is OK, she just doesn’t want to talk to anyone else right now.” Jon then turned to look at his friends. “Rich said he’s OK too. He’s coming down to get the stuff I brought for him.”

The men all exhaled breaths they didn’t know they were holding.

* * * * *

Upstairs, Richie hung up the phone, and took Julianna’s hand in his. “Jon has a bag for me down in the lobby. I want to go and get it. Will you let me back in?”

Julianna didn’t say anything; she just looked at him for a long moment before pulling from his grasp. She went into the kitchen and Richie could hear drawers opening and closing, and the sound of her rummaging around. Eventually, she came back with a key ring. “These are the spare keys to the garage elevator and my apartment.” She hesitated just for a moment, and extended the key ring out to Richie. “You can let yourself back in. Take your time; I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’d better not,” Richie said sternly, clasping his hand around Julianna’s wrist before taking the keys from her. “I’d find you wherever you’d choose to hide. You know that. Remember I’m dirty, rotten, stinking, filthy rich. Plus,” he smiled, “I have Francesca on my side.” He dropped a kiss onto her palm, and closed her fingers around it. “With those resources, I can’t lose. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“I know you will be,” Julianna said, yawning. “I’m exhausted. I’ll be in the bedroom when you get back.” She turned and shuffled from the room, shoulders drooped, without a backward glance.

As Richie left the apartment, he had the awful feeling that he was still going to be shut out, even though Julianna was talking to him now. While he was waiting for the elevator, he looked back at Julianna’s closed door, wondering what the woman behind it was doing.

* * * * *

The woman behind the door was crying. Again. She didn’t understand why she still had tears left to shed. She was in her sparsely decorated bedroom, curled up in a ball, crying. She didn’t know how much more of this emotional roller coaster she could take. Her nerves felt like they were frazzled, and every small noise made her jump. Her heart felt like it was breaking.

Although Richie said he was going to stand by her through this, she didn’t believe him. Not really. She didn’t honestly believe he would care to deal with this for very long. She hoped she could get it all put behind her quickly. She really didn’t want to lose him. She loved him so much it hurt. She could tell that he thought he meant what he said, and that made her happy. With those thoughts running through her head, she wasn’t really surprised when the phone rang. She smiled a little, assuming Richie was checking up on her, and answered it.

“Hey there,” she said softly.

There was a pause on the other end. “Julianna?”

With that one word, the pain that Julianna had started to put behind her again came back strong. Again. “M-m-mark? Is that you?” His voice was deeper than she remembered it being – dark and sensual.

“Yeah, it is,” he said edgily. “Who were you expecting?”

“N-n-nobody. What do you want?” Julianna was having trouble distinguishing between the past and present. She hadn’t talked to Mark since that night; she had done all her talking through her lawyers and family. The sound of his voice brought back a thousand memories – some of them good, some of them great, some of them bad. “Why are you calling?” she asked.

“Jules,” he crooned. Julianna closed her eyes at the smooth sound of her nickname on his lips. “I was in town last month, and stopped by your new show, and it’s good, by the way,” he said. He sounded so much like the man she fell in love with all those years ago. “Now, when I try to go watch, I’m told that rehearsals are closed. What’s up with that?”

Julianna sighed. She was so not ready to deal with this. She couldn’t have Mark confusing things. Not now, probably not ever. He’d just mess things up, that much she knew. She looked around the room, searching for something to tell him. She settled on a version of the truth. “Mark, I cannot deal with this now. I haven’t been well and just got into town a few hours ago.” She was shaking and didn’t know why. “Can we talk about this some other time?”

Mark was surprised by what he heard. She sounded insecure and timid. Where was the psycho who got bent out of shape by one little indiscretion? Hell, it’s not like it was the first time, and he was pretty sure she had lovers over the years, too. Why else would she encourage him to take an apartment in California and stay in New York herself? This woman sounded like she was on the edge of a breakdown. If he could swoop in and be her savior, he thought, she would be so grateful who knows what could happen?

In a calculated move, Mark softened his voice even more. “Of course, honey. I didn’t realize you had just gotten into town. I’ll give you some time to settle in, and will call you next week. Bye, sweetheart.”

Julianna hung up the phone and quietly fell apart. She did not need to deal with this now. She stumbled into her bedroom, crashing into the doorjamb on the way, bruising her arm. Sightlessly, she dropped onto the bed and lay down. What was she supposed to do now? Mark could make trouble for the show, but could make more trouble for her personal life. What was more important to her? Right now, she couldn’t really answer that – things were too raw to sort through. With a quick prayer for help and guidance, Julianna fell into a fitful sleep.

* * * * *

When Richie got down to the lobby, he saw his friends, old and new, clustered in one corner. They hadn’t noticed him yet, and he just stopped to watch them. They were sitting so Jon was mostly hidden by the others, but that didn’t stop the staff and the few residents who were passing through from seeing him. Richie smiled at their reactions. Most people did double-takes when they saw any of them out and about – it was almost as if people couldn’t quite believe that rock stars did mundane things just like everyone else. Richie watched Jon and the others smile and chat and sign autographs for a few people. He could tell, though, that Jon’s heart just wasn’t in it. The smiles he flashed were the practiced ones he reserved for the press; not the genuine ones that brought women to their knees.

When Jon finally noticed Richie, he excused himself, grabbed the bag and guitar case, and walked toward his friend. The two men quickly made their way to a quiet corner of the lobby. “Hey, how you doin’,” Jon asked with genuine concern. He put the bags down and gripped his friend in a tight hug.

Clapping Jon on the back, Richie straightened and exhaled sharply. “Better than I was an hour ago. Shit, man, she was going to throw this all away over that stupid episode. I mean, I know it was a big deal to her, but in the grand scheme of things, it was pretty minor. I think I’ve made her see that. At the very least, she’s letting me back up there, and even gave me a key.” He shook his head ruefully. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to go smoothly. She’s really got it in her head that this is something big enough to keep us apart.”

Jon looked critically at his friend. He could see the tiredness in his eyes, and heard the heartache in his voice. “You really love this woman, don’t you, buddy? It’s not just a passing fancy.”

“Yeah, I do love her,” Richie answered. “I love her with my whole heart and soul.” Seeing Jon’s serious look, Richie added, “I know that you’re happy for me, but deep down you think it’s too soon.” Richie paced a little. “I know this was quick, and you’re worried about me and rebounding, and that whole thing.” He stopped to look his friend dead on eye-to-eye. “Well I’ll tell you, it isn’t anything I haven’t thought to myself. In fact, I tried to resist. Then, I remembered something you told me when this whole thing started. You told me to do what feels right. You told me I shouldn’t deny my heart. I decided to take your advice.”

“Jesus, I never thought you’d actually listen to me,” Jon said, laughing. “I was talking outta my ass. Leave it to you to cling to something I said because it suites your purposes.” He sobered, and looked at his friend. “Seriously, though, if this is truly what you want, then I’m behind you one hundred percent. You know that. I’m glad you found someone to love this much.” He smiled. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind finding me someone like that, I’d appreciate it.”

Richie laughed. “I think Julianna has some single cousins or something – I’ll ask her for you.”

Jon clapped his hand on Richie’s shoulder. “If you go back up there and end up talking about me, you’ll know you’re in trouble. Get outta here. We’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Thanks man,” Richie said. “Thanks.”

Back upstairs, Richie let himself into Julianna’s apartment. He shut and locked the door, and took a look around, really noticing the apartment for the first time. The furniture was well-loved and well-worn, and everything was in its proper place. The views were amazing. He wandered into the kitchen, seeing many of the same appliances he saw at the house.

He brought his things into the bedroom, and stopped in the doorway, taking in the sight before him. Julianna was curled into a ball, and her cheeks were stained with tears. She was muttering something about second chances, and twitching in her sleep. His heart breaking for her, he shucked his clothes, threw on a pair of sweats from his bag, and crawled up behind Julianna on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the back of her head. Richie held her for a long time.

Somewhere in there, Julianna settled down, and Richie drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 52: Ultimatum



Julianna broke the kiss and pushed Richie away. “That wasn’t fair, and you know it. You know I can’t think straight when you kiss me. You overwhelm me.” She started crying in earnest, and backed away. “This doesn’t change anything. I’m still not right for you. You need someone who’s as strong as you are.”

Richie just stared at her. He couldn’t believe he was hearing this from her. She was trying to throw away something that could be so perfect, if she’d only let it. He threw up his hands. “Julianna, I don’t know what else I can do or say to prove to you that you’re who and what I want – that you’re making too much out of this one episode. I can only tell you I love you and want to be with you, no matter what.”

He leaned in toward Julianna and pointed angrily at her. “If you don’t want that anymore; if you’ve changed your mind, just say so, and I’ll be gone. You’ll not hear from me again. Can you stand there, and look me in the eyes, and tell me you’ve changed your mind?”

The pair squared off. Richie was just about ready to throw up, he was so nervous, and Julianna was pale as death. Richie just looked at Julianna, waiting for her move. Julianna licked her lips and couldn’t keep her hands still. At least this isn’t easy for her, Richie thought; feeling a twinge of guilt for taking a small measure of pleasure at her discomfort.

“Rich,” she said, “it isn’t that simple.”

“Yes, it is,” Richie countered. He leaned in even closer so that Julianna had no choice but to look him square in the eyes, and put gentle hands on her shoulders. It took all his control not to give her a little shake. “Either you love me or you don’t. It’s that simple. It’s all or nothing, baby, remember? The details we can figure out, but the main thing is, do you still love me? Do you still want to be a part of my life, and to let me be a part of yours?”

Richie waited a long minute, while Julianna said nothing. Just when he was about to say something, anything to fill the silence, Julianna spoke so softly it was almost a whisper. “I’m so scared, Rich. I’m scared that your whole reaction is just a heat of the moment thing.” Julianna worried her lip with her teeth, and threaded her hands together. “I’m scared that when I tell you that of course I still love you; that I still want to be with you, that it won’t be enough for you; that I won’t be enough for you. I’m scared that the next time this happens, or the time after that, at some point you will say you’ve had enough, and I’ll get hurt again.” She shook her head violently. “I can’t handle that again; I just can’t. This is still new, and we’re already hurting. I think it will just be easier all around if we just –”

Richie interrupted; his own voice soft. “Easy? You think that throwing this away will be easy? Jesus, lady, do you ever have something to learn about easy.” He dropped his hands from Julianna’s shoulders and spoke to her, gesturing wildly with his hands as he moved about the room. “Running away, that part is easy – believe me, I know. What’s easy is letting yourself believe you’re not worth anything so you don’t feel badly when you fall short of your own expectations. What’s easy is bailing when things get tough.”

Julianna’s eyes were tearing again, listening to Richie. He was talking about her, but she suspected he was also talking a little bit about himself.

Richie grabbed Julianna’s hands, and wouldn’t let them go when she struggled to free herself. “Baby, haven’t you heard? Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. All the good stuff is hard. What’s hard is realizing when you have something worth fighting for, even when it scares the hell out of you. What’s hard is asking for help. What’s hard is accepting help from the people around you, even if you think you don’t need it or don’t want it or aren’t worth it.”

Richie softened his voice. He could see the internal battle Julianna was waging – he hoped to Hell and back that the right side was winning. “I know all this because I’ve been where you are. I tried to run away from my problems, and I wouldn’t listen to anyone but myself. I wouldn’t let anyone help me; couldn’t let anyone see I was anything less than perfect. But you know what? It caught up to me. Big time.”

He choked back the tears that threatened to overtake him. “What saved me was that I had a loyal, stubborn extended family who loved me too much to let me bury myself in the dark hole I was trapped in. Sweetheart, I see you falling into that same hole, and it scares the ever-loving living shit out of me.” Richie trailed a hand over Julianna’s hair and cupped her chin. “If you’ll let me, I want to try to help you get out of the hole before it’s too late. Not as a lover, not as a partner, but as your friend, if that’s what you want.” God, it hurt to say that, Richie thought.

Julianna felt herself relax a little. She knew that Richie was trying to take some of the pressure off of her. When she got past that, she saw that what he was saying made sense. She knew that running away wasn’t the answer, and if she was totally honest with herself, she’d admit that it didn’t work too well the last time around, either. She was just too afraid of getting hurt again, and even more afraid of hurting this wonderful, caring man any more than she already had.

Julianna remembered her grandmother’s words; that Richie was already hurting, and it was up to her to make it right. She didn’t know what ‘right’ meant anymore. Her head was spinning in a thousand different directions, but most of them led back to Richie. She wanted him in her life, plain and simple. She loved him – that hadn’t changed. She just didn’t know if she was strong enough to take the support he was offering. It would be so much easier just to give up.

Maybe if there was no pressure to be “his”, she could keep him in her life. Maybe if he acted as her friend rather than her – what? Lover? Partner? Soulmate? Maybe, but did she want to lose that other part; that closeness? Was that fair to him? She didn’t think so. Richie deserved someone who could be everything to him.

With a resigned sigh, she opened her mouth to speak.

* * * * *

Outside the building, Nicky and the others were waiting impatiently. Richie had been gone for the better part of an hour, and they were hoping that meant good news. To a man, they had been all standing around scowling, but were now commiserating with each other. It had started to get dark, and a cool front was moving through. They were starting to get cold.

Nicky, Sal, and Gianni were apologizing to Richie’s friends for their sister’s behavior. Jon, Tico, and David were apologizing to Julianna’s brothers for Richie bringing her into the house. After a few rounds of this, however, they quickly came to the decision that it was useless arguing about it. There was fault and blame to share, and they should put it behind them and move on.

Sal asked the group, “You suppose those two will ever come to the same conclusion?”

Dave answered. “I don’t know, man. They’re both, um, strong-willed people. Who knows what’s going on in their heads?”

“So, how long should we wait out here?” Gianni asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know my sister: if Richie hasn’t come down yet, she’s listening to him, and they’re hashing this out. I’m betting it’ll be quite a while before either of them surfaces.”

“I don’t know how long we should wait,” Jon said, crossing his own arms across his chest against the cold. “All I know is that I don’t want to leave until I hear from Richie. I don’t want to call him, though; don’t want to interrupt. I guess I’ll just wait here for the duration.” Tico and Dave agreed. They weren’t going anywhere either until they heard from their friend.

Jon approached Michael, where the younger man stood leaning against the car. He took the bags he had packed from the trunk and thanked the man for giving up his day off to help. Michael stopped Jon as he was reaching for his wallet, saying “I don’t want your money. I consider this payback for Julianna’s kindness and loyalty to me over the years.” He handed Jon a business card. “Call me if you need my services again. Anytime.” He shook Jon’s hand, got into his car, and took off.

Gianni talked to the doorman. “Hey, Joseph, if we promise not to go up to Jules’ apartment, can we at least go sit in the lobby? It’s getting boring just standing here, and we’re getting cold.”

Joseph considered the group of men. He knew Julianna’s brothers of course, and recognized the others from the posters on his sixteen year old daughter’s wall. He really didn’t think they’d be any trouble. He weighed the brother’s request against the promise he made to Julianna. He knew that something was up from Julianna’s plea for privacy, and guessed that these men were all here for the moral support of her and the man who went up after her. Joseph decided to let them in. After all, it’s not like it wasn’t a public building of sorts. They were really just humoring him by staying outside. “OK, but please, don’t abuse my trust. If you all promise to stay downstairs, I’ll let you in.”

The six men all looked around at each other and nodded. Joseph opened the door for them, and watched as they settled into the lobby.

* * * * *

Julianna opened her mouth to speak.

“Rich, I love you. That hasn’t changed, and I don’t want to lose that. I also don’t want to lose the friendship we built. But,” God, I hate that word, Richie thought. “But I don’t know if I can be the woman you want as a partner.” She sighed. “I just know that deep down I don’t want to be without you in my life. You have become essential to me.” Richie smiled a little at her words. “I know that’s selfish, but it’s the honest truth.”

“Sweetheart,” Richie said, “I’ve already told you that you’re the one that I want, come Hell or high water. You’re the one that has to be convinced of that. I’m not going anywhere. When you finally realize that, I’ll be right here, beside you.”

“If you say so, I guess I’ll believe it,” Julianna said on a heavy sigh. “I simply don’t have the strength to argue with you anymore.” She sat on the sofa hard, like all the strength had been sapped from her body, and closed her eyes. “Rich, I really can’t handle too much more today. I need time to get through the feelings that being back in that house awoke in me,” Julianna said, “and time to process everything that happened today. That’s all I can deal with right now emotionally.” She looked up at him. “Can you accept that for now?”

“I will do whatever you need me to do; I’ll help you any way I can,” Richie said, unsure what exactly she needed from him, but not really caring – she wasn’t saying goodbye. He stood in front of her and reached a hand out, which she just stared at for a long moment. Finally, she slowly reached out and took it. With a gentle pull, Richie brought Julianna up to him and held her close, tucking her head under his chin. She stiffened at first, but eventually relaxed against him.

“You will get through this,” Richie said, stroking her hair and back. “You are a strong woman. Jon said so, and he’s never wrong. He’ll tell you that himself.” He could feel Julianna’s small smile against his chest.

“What now?” she said, easing back from him to look into his eyes.

“Now,” Richie said, “you’d better call your brothers and let them know you’re OK. Frankly, I’m surprised that they haven’t stormed the place by now.”

Julianna sighed. “You’re right, but I don’t want to talk to them. Not yet. I’m not ready for the lectures.” She smiled wryly. “I’ve had more than enough of that for one day, thank you very much.”

Richie grinned. “I’ll call them for you, sweetheart, don’t worry about that.” He looked into her face. “Julianna, I won’t ever say I’m sorry, you know. I did what I had to do to get you to talk to me. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“I’ll ask you again sometime if you think it was all worth it,” Julianna said.

“Baby, the answer will always be the same.” Richie’s eyes bored into her, his face set in a serious mask. “It was worth it. You are worth it. You always will be. Never doubt that for a second.”

Julianna held tightly to Richie. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Jules,” Richie said, trying to lighten the mood. “Didn’t your mama ever tell you that you deserve the best? Well, baby, that’s what you’ve got.”